Thank you SO much, you made my day! :’) LOVE YOU.
I don’t, but my close friend Julie does! https://www.etsy.com/shop/xanadujulie
I know most of you won’t even bother reading this, although I kind of hope you do- but as someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, sometimes word vomit just has to escape before it consumes.
My thoughts might be a bit scattered, and at times senseless… but they are my thoughts nonetheless- so here we go…
Maybe some, if not all, of you have felt like a failure at times or as if the # of your age doesn’t quite correlate to how old you actually feel. I have found that the age of 25 has been one of the most tricky for me (mentally) so far. It’s as if I can’t quite call myself a ~young girl~ but not yet a ~woman~ either (Britney flashbacks, anyone?).
As someone who can’t help but overanalyze/think too much about anything and everything, one of the things I dread most about this age is running into someone from my past and having to perform the repetitive mind-numbing-fake-small-talk-bullshit-awkward-thing to people whom I may or may not have even spent 3 minutes speaking to when I did “know” them (although they seemed to know me a hell of a lot more than I knew them from the oh so lovely false gossip that seems to inevitably occur to anyone and everyone).
So I started thinking… why do I dread it so much? Is it fear of sounding pathetic and being judged? Do I even care at this point what they think of me since no matter who I am they will already have formed their own opinions from someone else’s lies? Or is it just that I want to impress them with some form of life that seems to be socially acceptable?
The other day I was watching an old 90s movie, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, and that seemed to be where this all started brewing in my brain. A seemingly ditzy/dense movie turned into a giant metaphor for everything I had been thinking since I left High school (and even college).
It’s one of those repetitive stories about ~then & now~, but I thought it was quite relatable nonetheless. The characters in that movie were constantly judged for being themselves, even though out of everyone there they were the happiest. In the future, the more “popular” characters appeared to have it all… yet in reality they were miserable because they chased someone else’s ideal of what an acceptable way of living is in our society rather than doing what made them happy. Well, the immature popular characters anyway. One girl from the same popular group (the only one who in the beginning attempted to have a thought of her own that wasn’t as acceptable) evolved into a successful business woman and was actually content.
The two main characters tried to lie about who they were to impress others, but as the story unfolds they realize that by doing so they would become as miserable as the others who hadn’t matured enough to accept themselves and live a life that made them personally happy.
So here’s my point- you’re married with kids!? Fucking AWESOME. You’re single and still work a retail job? Fucking AWESOME. If you’re HAPPY, or are at least working toward what will eventually make you happier, FUCK what anyone else thinks of you. You don’t have to be some hot-shot business person to feel as if you’ve accomplished something or are up to par. And if you happen to meet someone from your past that IS quite successful, don’t jump to comparing yourself to them and lowering your self-worth. They are either actually miserable, or quite happy. Either way- be happy FOR them.
This awful shame our culture inflicts on us and what our lives should be like is what is unacceptable. Comparisons should never be made between two people who are entirely different beings with different goals and objectives. Some people can be 100% content working what others think are shitty jobs and having a quaint life, and who are we to judge them for that? And others might be happy having their own family or chasing that 6 figure career…. and we shouldn’t feel as if that’s any less acceptable either for them or for ourselves.
Just be happy being who you want to be… and don’t rush yourself into pursuing something you might not really want. If we could all learn to respect those differences of quality and satisfaction, we would all be much happier in the end with ourselves and one another.
*takes a deep breath in*
Today my best friend got me high and told me to get topless so she could massage me (she’s a licensed therapist). We then had Mexican food and cuddled with her cat watching Bob’s Burger, and now I just finished randomly ranting about porn to a random person while thinking of being dressed in head toe Gucci eating Pho. What. Is. Life.